The unkindest cut of all. Somehow I feel like I used this title already...

**** Made up names


Ok so here is the scenario:


(Paul)The boy is: rasta, righteous, loyal, humble, good friend, knowlegeable of a lot, has a long-term girlfriend that he has infrequent "breaks" with, he took this girlfriend/wifey's virginity, a good guy but on the day he took his girl's virginity he just had sex with her dance teacher (a big woman)...So he's just like anyone else striving for good but has faults.

(Ria)The girl is: a bit naive, caring, goal oriented, falls to fast, too eager to believe.

Can you guess which one I'm better friends with Lol.

So we are all in the same circle of friends both equally linked to me but not too linked to each other. She sees him at a party and doesn't want to exploit our friendship so thru her own links she gets his number and sets up the scene.


They talk till 4am for a while, then they start going out together, movies, laser tag, dinner, plays, friend limes etc. They have really in depth conversations and even exchange daily scripture readings and discuss them, if she is hungry he passes by her job and brings food. They are clearly friends.
They they start having sex and she is in total bliss: great guy, great sex all the feelings are there only time will help them to be closer (ie. it's a given eventually she will become his girlfriend)

WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOw could they be that close and he never told her about wifey (who lives in a different country), but okay they are going ahead and she keeps on living in hope for the day when he would like her enough to decide yeah she should be his girl.

In the meanwhile they go out, in the meanwhile she plans big activities for his birthday ie a laser tag party, then a big lime with food alcohol and all his closest friends. Cool.

Gradually he doesn't return her calls like he used to, dates are scheduled then meetings are cancelled only when she calls to ask what time she should get ready for, he doesn't answer his phone then calls back weeks later...mind you when he is on vacation - out of the country - he is totally blowing up her phone. So, being the notoriously laid back, non-confrontational guy he is he eventually says (only of course after she tries to get STAT [status of relationship]):

He isn't at that point in his life to..........(blah blah blah) {I'm sure u've heard this b4}
They can still remain friends............

They still email and call every other week
Still with the bible stuff
Updates on life. E.g.
Ria: hey I'm graduating looking for somewhere to live...
Paul: Really I'm trying to move too good luck with that...wish you the best
Ria: What's going on in life?
Paul: nothing I never really go out, haven't gotten to meet new ppl. It's the same old same old.


Fine? You think that sounds ok?
Yeah it sounds ok except that she still likes him more than I would like...and she still likes him more than she should.....
Because from the onset...knowing him, I knew they would not get together as boyfriend and girlfriend but telling her that would have had no effect so I let it go.

Of course there was the obligatory mess around after that initial lets be friends thing but it eventually gets to the point of that not even happening and you have an emailed conversation per what I typed above.


Fast forward a few months to a mutual friend's birthday lime:

She now has not had any contact with him for a good month....weird if they are supposedly "friends" right?
So I guess she calls to ask if he was gonna be there sorta to prepare herself...yes! we girls do stuff like that so we don't look pathetic in front of our crush/love of our life/whadeva....deaden the lingering feelings so you don't turn into a wide-eyed, blubbering, why-not-me, why-wasn't-I-good-enough girl.

Of course he doesn't answer his phone (I wish there was an "i told u so" emoticon)

So she is there at our friend's birthday lime and guess what... he shows up and ignores her...Ok, as soon as he enters she makes a beeline for his line of sight and he avoids her gaze. Bad sign...she is so intent and focussed on him she misses something she shouldn't have.

So the night goes on and on and he makes his rounds saying hi, partaking in convos, eating his food, (ital is vital...of course he is a vegetarian... he doesn't even use the sauce from the stew chicken to wet his rice and peas) and socializing.

Gradually she gets some sense and starts to live in reality once more and notice...
that:
Hey he seems to know this girl no one else does
Hey he doesn't leave this girl's side
Hey this girl probably came with him

Then secondarily she realizes it's a non-descript, brown haired but blue-eyed white girl!!

I'm not shocked yea he rasta but b/c of where he's from I knew he would only marry a girl that looks like him. Yea he's all about Emperor Makonnen but be assured the grade of hair and features of his wifey is gonna be way more "Ethiopian" than Nigerian, Haitian, or obviously stereotypically negroid. (Don't get it twisted jess because somebody "conscious"...you still have to know your friends!)
But this is not gonna turn into a bashing of white women taking "eligable" black men. I'll leave that issue to another friend of mine.

So eventually he comes close enough to her...actually they are sitting on either side of a mutal friend one of the few in the circle that knows they were even dealing.
Ria: Hey could I have a minute to talk to you?
Paul: How about in five minutes?
She is a lil confused and he carries on a conversation with someone...
Paul's guest is enroute to the bathroom this time so Ria tries again in low voices she's not tryna blow up a spot ppl have no clue about.
Ria: Sooooo, can we jus step outside now and talk?
Paul: No
Ria: What you mean no?
Paul: No I'm not gonna talk to you!
(At this point I would have said something like "oh that's how it is" and like the song says: Take dat an cool it!")
Well my girl got riled up.
Ria: So after everything and we supposed to be friends you can't even talk to me?!!?
Paul: No!
Ria: Why you don't wanna talk to me
Silence and he shakes his head.
Ria: Well don't EVER fuckkkin talk to me again!!!! NO calls nutten!!!

(Meanwhile from across the room conscious white chick with her hair tied up in a headwrap, and long skirt, and hippie head nodding in agreement to whatever is the topic of discussion is now giving cut eye from across the room.)

One friend thinks his non-confrontational manner led to this; that he was scared that she would have made a scene anyway so his solution was to simply evade her... (albeit unsuccessfully).
Me I say that's not giving him enough credit for his brain power...back to my belief that women make too many excuses for guys anyway.
There are so many ways during the course of the night he could have done things differently without it getting to a point where she needed to be calmed down. He could have said hi to her early up acted friendly then ignore her for the rest of the night (and it wouldn't have seemed like he was even ignoring her cuz he did say hi); he could have cut out the friend shit and just say I DONT LIKE YOU LIKE THAT, don't hope!; or he could have not pretended like he never met anyone; he could have given her a head's up and say I'll be bringing a friend.

To me he expected her to be ignored and take it....OR the other extreme {In highschool when your bf wants to break up with you, but not be the badguy (so to speak) he instead does assinine stupid things to get the girl mad and she ends up breaking up with him so she has the "power" and he doesn't feel guilty} Well he did that - he got her mad and he got her to say those damning words: I don't ever want to speak to you again...don't call, email nothing". I swear his heart probably skipped a beat as she said that..

So of course she is doing the steps to acceptance and she was in the stage of " I thought I really knew him" etc
Then she wanted to get even - find out where he moved to and have it out with him (bad idea yall r supposed to be never talking again)
Then she wants closure and for girls that equals hearing "I'm sorry. I was wrong." Kya kyakya bwwwwahahahahahhahahaha and I double over laughing as I typed that...sorry. Well that I know probably would never happen in this case as well as why open yourself to MORE frustration when you open your hurt heart up and you still don't hear those words.
So she feels betrayed etc.

Perception is ah hell of a thing yes. Another friend of ours who was there said she felt no tension between them, has a hard time believing the two had sex/relationsip of sorts, nothing...she even said, "he had his girlfriend since undergrad...and he never juss mess around with girls..." I think it was at this point I discontinued the conversation with her...
Her POV: This stuff that I'm telling you didn't happen, in the miniscule chance that it did Paul did nothing wrong and the white chick was cool. (lol this from the friend who thinks a black man dating a white girl indicates that he doesn't love himself/race and is disrespecting the pillar of beauty/mother who raised him)

Of course she is a lil self absorbed cuz she recently found the ideal guy who is still currently unattached from his girlfriend who he knew he had to break up with even b4 he met my friend?????? Hmmmm once you decide to break up with someone how long does it actually take to break up with them..

Anyways I ain't one to knock nuhboddy's freak juss doan come to me wit ah pack ah assness like:
He so spiritual when we talking he says stuff like god willing (roll eye)
He never slept over by his girl (of almost 2 years) and she never slept over (overnight) by him....EVER
His girl is a virgin (that could be true but that doesn't make the preceding sentence seem any more likely)
and lastly drum rollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
He's a DJ

***Why do girls always confer with their friend about whether a guy they checking good looking. I've even had a friend say, "I know he not supper good looking like guys I'm accustomed to...." like she apologizing fuh di man face...Yuh eva hear more?!?

***Puts hands on presentation pulpit looks up apprehensively with eyebrows raised and says: Ok :Lord my name is Taj and I'm a hater
Readers say: Hi Taj **and wave nerdishly back
Lord I am working on myself and I will stop gossiping/ complaing about my friends.....Wait! I does tell dem dis to deh face... I not gossiping
Hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy (with head twerk and divalicious snap)
ahahhahahhahahhahaha
ahhahahaha
hahahahahah
ahahahahhaa
ahhaha
hah
ha
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Sigh I crack me up...I can't believe I typed all this shit. I need a life.
BTW if it's not clear my POV: he could have handled the situation better,,,he was more wrong than right...he's my friend and he's an asshole...But It's the truth!